Satan causes cavities and weight gain, too.
This year’s crop of Halloween candy is demon-possessed, according to Pat Robertson’s Christian Broadcasting Network.
Apparently, witches curse the sugar-filled confections before they’re shipped to grocery stores across America.
These witches, I’m guessing, are part of a Prince of Darkness job-retraining program. Thanks to the rise of compact discs and MP3 players, the devils who specialized in placing subliminal recordings on vinyl-records have been demonically down-sized. Candy-cursing pays less than record wizardry and it’s seasonal work, and much of it is farmed out to demons in Third-World countries. …