Loading ...Joseph Reyes, a non-custodial parent, had his child baptized without his Jewish ex-wife’s consent. And he brought the child with him to church in defiance of a judge’s order.
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February 16th, 2010 at 2:39 pm
As a divorced father myself, I’ve been lucky in that my son’s mother, with whom I am still good friends, is also an Episcopalian, so there were no issues with us. We also got along well enough through the whole thing that there weren’t many other issues, either.
I have every sympathy for the mother here. She had come to an agreement with her husband that their child would be raised Jewish. She started the child down that road, and only then does the ex-husband take things into his own hands. As the article says:
>>>>”Number one, it wasn’t just a religious thing per se, it was the idea that he would suddenly, out of nowhere without any discussion … have the girl baptized,” Lake said. “She looked at it as basically an assault on her little girl.”
Furthermore, Joseph Reyes had never been a particularly devout Christian, Lake added.
When the girl’s father took her to church again — in violation of the order, he called the media to witness the event.<<<<
"Called the media to witness the event?" Sounds to me like the father is trying to play the religion card here in a way that can only come back to hurt both him and the child. If he truly desires to have any sort of positive relationship with her in the future, he's going to need to be more cooperative with her mother — and, he needs to keep his word in the future.
February 16th, 2010 at 3:40 pm
This was a control issue and had nothing to do with anyone’s faith. Shame on the minister–assuming she was younger than say 13–for even allowing this without consulting the custodial parent.
February 16th, 2010 at 4:11 pm
Madge, I believe that the girl was about three. This was a Catholic baptism, and denominations (including my own Episcopal Church) who baptize infants presumably do so only with the parent’s permission, so one presumes that the priest believed the father had the right to consent to the baptism. Wonder if the father lied about that? If not, you’re right, shame on the priest.
February 16th, 2010 at 4:31 pm
I’m on the fence on this one. It could have been a control issue, it could be residual control issues from the marriage. Obviously the outside influences close to the marriage played a role in its demise. I certainly hope the judge wasn’t Jewish. There just isn’t enough information to make a a fair decision. How much religion can a 3 year old child comprehend? Was she in a Jewish preschool or daycare?
I can understand that the father felt there was no influence about who he was in the court order barring him from presenting any other faith than the Jewish faith to this child.
How often did he attend a catholic service prior to his marriage to this woman? Why did he showboat his actions?
There are control issues here, but I seriously doubt it will affect the child in a detrimental way. If anything the child will grow us wiser knowing more than one view about religion. He is obligated by the catholic religion to teach that child about the faith he has exposed her to. I wouldn’t want to be the judge on this one!
February 16th, 2010 at 4:48 pm
Perplexed, you make a good point about the involvement of other parties. God knows I’ve represented enough people in divorce cases over the years to know how they go, and one way they often go is that the family of the non-custodial parent often pressure that parent into doing things he or she wouldn’t otherwise do.
The article makes general statements to the effect that the father wasn’t a very “devout” Christian, but who knows what that means. If I had to bet, I’d say that perplexed is right, and the father’s presumably Catholic family couldn’t stand the idea that their grandchild/niece/cousin might not be properly baptized. The real issue here is parental control, and the father apparently voluntarily agreed that the child would be raised Jewish. The article says that she is in Jewish day school.
I know of a case in Eastern Kentucky where the father was protestant and the mother Catholic, and both families slipped around and had the baby baptized, each without the other knowing about it, one by the Catholics, and the other by the Episcopalians. I was that baby, and I doubt that I’ve experienced any ill effects from the dueling baptisms, nor even from the later one that I agreed to myself: I figure, any way you look at it, I’m properly baptized.
February 16th, 2010 at 6:32 pm
Caleb, you have to wonder how accurate the article is, I don’t know of many religious oriented schools or daycare centers that teach fundamental religious beliefs to 3 year old children, maybe you do! It seems the article favors the woman in this situation, what isn’t the writer putting in that the reader should know. Another point, who is saying the father wasn’t “devout”, he obviously changed his religion to appease his bride. There just seems to be much more to this story.
February 17th, 2010 at 9:26 am
Another example of why one should strongly consider the religious faith of a would-be spouse and in most cases marry inside one’s own faith. There are enough issues in marriage without adding differing religious views.
With regard to this case, I’m wondering how a judge can legally make a ruling that favors one religious view over another. Being law school grads, perhaps Caleb and Frank can shed some more light on this.
February 17th, 2010 at 10:02 am
Imagine if the situation were reversed. The custodial parent is raising the child as, say a Baptist, under a custodial agreement that the child be raised a Baptist. Then, the non-custodial parent takes the child and has him or her converted to Islam.
Now, image the outcry.
BTW, David, faith issues are routinely part of divorce proceedings when minor children are involved…
February 17th, 2010 at 1:58 pm
perplexed said,
“I don’t know of many religious oriented schools or daycare centers that teach fundamental religious beliefs to 3 year old children…”
I guess it depends on what you consider “fundamental religious beliefs.” My daughter went to pre-school at a United Methodist church, and they regularly had Christian, Sunday School-like activities: learning religious songs (e.g “Jesus Loves Me”), saying prayers before snacktime, learning basic Bible stories like the Parable of the Good Samaritan.
I’m not familiar with the curricula of Jewish pre-schools, but I would assume that they do similar things. A friend of mine once taught at a Jewish elementary school, which celebrated Jewish holidays like Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Purim, and so on, and ignored Christian holidays like Easter and Christmas. I can easily see how a Jewish parent would object to their child learning “Jesus Loves Me,” and how a Christian parent would prefer their child to celebrate Easter rather than Yom Kippur.
February 17th, 2010 at 2:40 pm
David, Greg is right that religious issues often come up in divorces, particularly when the parents are of different faiths. The courts don’t (overtly, at least) favor one religion or church over the other, but generally deal with the question by determining which parent has the right to make important decisions (medical, educational, financial, etc.) about the child, and allowing that party to make the decision about religious training. In cases where there is joint custody, or some type of shared parenting, they try to either accommodate both parents’ wishes, if possible, or else determine which parent gets to make the call. The focus, theoretically, is not on the nature of the religions, but on which parent is the parent in the best place to make decisions for the child.
These issues come up more and more frequently, and will be even more important in the future, as we have more and more marriages between Christians and people of other faiths. Generally, I like cross polination; I don’t think it hurts to expose children to different religious beliefs.
February 17th, 2010 at 6:09 pm
David, it looks to me like the judge was merely returning to the status quo. If the ruling favors one religion it’s because the parents had made that choice originally. I can’t fault the judge for enforcing a rule that prohibits either parent from making major changes to the way a child is raised unless both parties agree.
Greg, I often ask the same question in cases like this. It certainly helps to illuminate the principles and prejudices that we apply to our judgments. One can easily imagine how differently this story would be presented were the roles changed as you describe.
February 17th, 2010 at 8:29 pm
Mike, Greg and Jose, my point isn’t about the teachings as much as its about how much religious doctrine from any faith can a child of 3 understand. My kids memorized what they learned at 3, they didn’t know what they were learning, they were adding to their vocabulary. They are now in grade school reading at a college level, so I did something right. The emphasis we worked on was learning to read by breaking their words down, it wasn’t about comprehension.
February 20th, 2010 at 12:57 pm
It was a part of the court order that this dad not take this child to church. I can’t imagine anything sadder than being so angry with a former co-parent that you would use the church as a weapon, but it happens all the time. Poor baby. . . .